Thursday, January 18, 2007

Gateway Clean Air Program (GCAP)

Yesterday I went to get my plates renewed which everyone knows is an unnecessary hassle. $12 Car inspection: pass. $983 Personal property tax receipts for two years: check, double check. Insurance card: check. $24 GCAP emissions inspection: Fail.

"Fail?! Nobody fucking fails that test. They don't even test anything to fail-- how could I have failed?!"

The "inspector" (aka "Guy-that-got-fired-from-McDonald's-and-couldn't-get-a-job anywhere-else-that-drives-a-piece-of-shit- because-he-can't-afford-a-real-car [see below] therefore-he-grandfathers-through-the-GCAP-test-and-blows-pure-oil-out-his-tailpipe and-kills-more-birds-than-Kenny-with-his-goddam-fumes) said, "Sorry, you're car did not pass. The engine light is on and the computer says it needs work on your torque converter."

me: "Oh, the light. It's intermittant and Plaza Motors said it's a loose gas cap. If I refill the tank the light will go off."

him: "It's not your gas cap. It's your torque converter. (Grunt)"

me: "What's the torque converter have to do with clean air?"

him: "It failed our test. You'll have to get your car fixed and bring it back within 30 days. "

me: "I'll fill it up and it'll pass."

him: "It's not your gas cap. (grunt)" Then he handed me the book. The title was, "My Vehicle Failed-- Now What?!"

me: My emissions are fine, but my car failed. How is that? You mean to tell me that you can sniff out my emissions going 45 mph down a ramp with your little van and some cones, then mail me a GCAP certificate with an envelope for $24, but your computer system here failed me because I have a freaking light on?!"

15 minutes later and a tank full of gas (light turned off)

him: Your car passed. Here's your GCAP certificate.

me: It was my gas cap...


Blogger Chris Johnson said...

LOL!! That was freaking funny! Sounds like you had a great day. I agree that the people who work there are total idiots! Nice thing about living in Lincoln county......NO EMISSIONS TEST!!

6:25 AM  
Blogger Nichole said...

WooHoo way to go Mike. Did you at least get the same guy? That would make it even more worth it! LoL

11:49 AM  
Blogger Violet said...

that's pretty obnoxious. one time, i had to go to the jiffy lube and just ask them to reset the light for me so my car would pass. what a joke.

will you go and renew my license plates for me now that yours are up-to-date?

1:53 PM  
Blogger Dave Morris said...

Yeah but don't forget your torque converter is bad. Get that fixed before you go on a long road trip or anything...

7:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I worked at GCAP for an entire year, and had to deal with people like you on a daily basis. I still loved the job and learned a lot as well when it came to furthering my career.

You get a leaky gas cap and think you have the right to insult thousands of GCAP employees everywhere, belittle them as if you were so high and mighty? We may not be brain surgeons, but we know how to do our job..And that includes pissing off uppity types like yourself by handing you a paper with the words 'FAILED' on it. Get over yourself man.

GVIP put me on my ass and I've found better employment since GCAP, but it was the best job I ever had.

3:45 PM  
Blogger Dr. Mike said...

First of all, anonymous- go fuck yourself and realize that your work at GCAP wasn't a job-- it was charity.

Obviously the whole GCAP thing was a scam or we'd still have the million-dollar facilities around.

Good luck at McDonald's, man!

4:59 PM  
Anonymous Jonathan L. said...

I was also an employee at the GCAP, an assistant station manager at one of the larger stations. I loved my job there and I especially loved when ass holes like you failed. It was an exquisite delicacy that could only be savored when some shrink-dick moron with an overpriced car couldn't pull his head out of his ass and LISTEN to that 40 IQ technician who was putting a stop on your precious time. I bet you acted just like every other guy in your shoes... I loved it, every freaking second of it. I laughed at you guys, sometimes in your faces. I smiled when you complained about the program and how it was a rip off, knowing that you were really that pitiful. By the way... KIA's don't have that problem.

You're somewhat under educated regarding vehicle emissions and its clear to anyone whose read your little mini blog. The two greatest causes to hydrocarbon emissions are actually the two least expensive components to replace; the gas cap (evaporative emissions) and the PCV valve. Together, they cost less than ten dollars to replace and take less than 5 minutes to change out, even by a complete moron who's going to charge you 1/2 hour labor for each (like the guys doing your GVIP inspections now, a mechanic) I could go into a long explanation about how vehicle emissions all works at a chemical level but I think you lack the necessary concern for other people and for the environment to read what I'd write, so I'm not even going to waste the time to do it.

Oh, by the way, the new GVIP program ONLY tests '96 and newer vehicles, using the exact same test procedure performed on your vehicle. Nothing changed for you... Dumb ass. They still do a gas cap check and they still do the OBDII test, just like before. Nothing is different for people with '96 and newer vehicles.

Plaza telling you that your gas cap is faulty sounds to me like a cheap and easy way of telling you that they don't have the time to actually look at your vehicle, and shows a clear lack of customer service on the part of Plaza Motors. If they charged you to tell you that your gas cap was bad, I feel sorry for you because you really are a knuckle-dragger. They should have replaced the $8 cap and said "have a nice day!" It would have taken less time and even if it didn't fix your PCM problem (I can tell you what it is now!) it would have at least shown some initiative by your repair technician. It's amusing to me that someone who takes pride in owning a car from "Plaza" gets boned by them so easily. I guess that's the luxury, huh?

And to your last comment... those multimillion dollar stations still do inspections, actually they are still owned by ESPMO and do more than 45% of the inspections that take place in Greater St. Louis. They're all still doing inspections. They just had to start paying everyone better because now they've got to have repair technicians for the safety inspection part. The goons there now are actually dumber than the ones from before.

Some of us really enjoyed that job. It was easy, paid well, got to operate some very nice machinery and sometimes it was even a comedy hall, especially when jokers like you would throw a fit like a 5 year old. Ahh... I miss that job.

5:41 PM  
Blogger Dr. Mike said...


You're right, I'm a moron. I'm a moron for taking time to even reply to your comment!

But YOU were the assistant station manager. "Assistant" being the key word-- I'll bet the prerequisite for that is huge.
I am sorry you lost your esteemed job. Actually, it just goes to show how things go around. You laughed at me for failing my GCAP inspection... now I have the final laugh that your KIA was repossessed.

You're also right about my under-education of emissions and I like it that way, so save everyone's time and DO NOT explain it. I don't really care how it works... I just want to know that when I'm paying someone $24 to check it, that it actually gets checked. Checked correctly. Checked by someone that knows how to check it, unlike the probably assistant in (semi) charge that couldn't hook the computer correctly to the socket.

I find it ironic that Plaza was right about the gas cap situation, proving your inept abilities to perform assistant duties.

Hey, Jonathon, do me a favor: Please realize you only enjoyed your job because it had zero impact on our world and you somehow screwed up a job that couldn't be screwed up.

9:43 AM  
Anonymous Jon L said...

Cute, because all of your answers were all completely baseless, without fact and don't have any meaning whatsoever. You fell back to insulting my integrity rather than supplying actual facts. Guess you never took a debate class...

The sad part is that you have to have a blog on the internet to share your emotions with the world because nobody in life actually likes you, maybe because you're a prick. You're so pathetic that you have to go onto the internet, post a big (unintelligent) post about the $24 dollars while you're driving a Benz. $24 bucks? What, are you car and house broke? It's not like gas prices in Jan 2007 (when the article was posted) were that bad. Just a gascap? Sounds like a PCM problem, just like new Benz's have always had. BMW's are better anyway.

Now, I think you might actually be a decent person once you kill the inferiority complex and start acting like a normal human being... or you can live a pathetic, miserable, lonely life pointing out every false ill that you're simply too stupid/ignorant/arrogant to understand.

By the way, when the program ended I was 21 and going to school full time at Lindenwood. What the fuck were you doing at 19, 20 and 21? Let me guess... you're gonna have something more significant than me simply because you're a one-upper. Pathetic.

It's sad that even years after working at GCAP I'm still laughing at you and all the other big whining babies, taking it personally when their car doesn't pass. Maybe you should have talked to the EPA about your vehicle, they're the ones that require STL to have emissions, not the state. Look it up.

1:30 PM  
Blogger Dr. Mike said...

Yes, your integrity. I'd hate to insult that...

8:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What all the people that have worked at the GCAP are failing to acknowledge is the point is not if Mike is a moron or an asshole or even uppity. The point is the guy told him what it WASNT and that Mike's soloution would NOT fix it. He was smart enough to go with his first mind and not waste $100 of dollars and guess what? It passed. Thats it, thats all.

6:26 AM  

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