Friday, December 29, 2006

Inappropriate Gifts

An orthodox Jewish friend of mine invited me (hard to believe, but true!) to his 30th birthday party. I thought it would be funny to bring his a "Happy Birthday Old Man" box of Depends. Ever needed to get away? Being Baptheran (that's Baptist / Lutheran) I didn't realize the 30th Jewish birthday is very serious.

One time I was at a friend's wedding reception and I slipped an "extra" gift onto the gift table. It was a 10 inch dildo --and I put a sticker on it, "Love, Gramma." It was fun watching the expression on their faces when they opened it and placed it aside... I've never told them it wasn't really from their Gramma.

Speaking of Gramma-- I once put a "cigarette load" in my Gramma Schmitz's cigarette. She about died from heart attack, but she quit smoking.

I received a live goat for Christmas two years ago.. thanks to my brother-in-law Bill and my father-in-law, Jim. Paybacks are still coming.

Yesterday I gave my good friend "DJ DAVE" an adulterated gift that I thought was funny. I Photoshopped the DVD cover of Jackass II to "Dave's a goddam Jackass." THEN, after a wonderful lasagna dinner that Emily created they pull out the coolest, most sentimental Christmas gift I've ever seen... and it was for my daughter, Ella. "Uncle Dave" narrated "The Grinch that Stole Christmas" with voice-over, music, and special background effects. "Aunt Em" even voiced the part of little Cindy-Lou. It was so nice both Paula and I had tears. (Yes, I do have tears.) Here's a big THANK YOU, DAVE AND EMILY! Thanks for not only the coolest gift ever, but thanks for making me feel like a gift-schmuck!

That's all I got. Anyone else had an inappropriate gift? Tell us about it!


Blogger Jen, Fred, Jennifer or Mom said...

Only you Mike!!!! I can't say that I have ever done anything quite like your pranks......just keep the family is a good thing.......

10:28 PM  
Blogger Violet said...

I think that gift meant more to me and Dave, too, than the other gifts that we gave. We knew it would be something that you and Paula would appreciate and hopefully Ella will love in the years to come.

Okay, that was cheesy. But, then again, so was the lasagna.

And thanks for the Jackass movie. I haven't been able to tear Dave away from the TV yet. He is mesmerized by the guy pushing the fish hook through his cheek.

(I think I just kind of threw up in my mouth a little bit...)

10:42 AM  

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