Thursday, June 29, 2006

This and that..

People slay me. Today there was a 6" placostamas dead in the tank. You know-- the black, bug-eyed algae eater that sucks shit off the sides of the tank? Apparently he wedged his ugly, fat head between a rock and a plant-pot and couldn't get out. (Odd that God didn't give a placostamas the ability to swim in reverse.) A patient wanted to reach in and grab it for me. Two problems with that: 1) the fish's belly was eaten, and 2) the lady was too excited. WAY.

People don't think. My wife, Paula tells the story better, but this is just too funny. We have a patient that came in and said, "Oh my! You're pregnant!" (WTF? Have you had your head completely stuffed up your ass?) Paula said she was 4 weeks away from her due date and the lady said something like, "Oh, I thought your face was fat because big girls have chubby faces."

Speaking of Pregnant. My daughter, in embryo, has her own website. . She doesn't have much to say yet, but she takes a cute picture!

Landscaping Sucks. I began re-landscaping the front of the house a while back, on somewhat of a whim. The first half went so smooth (and only took a weekend) that I decided to finish the other half-- you know, the side with the slope. The dreaded fucking slope...

A month and about a thousand dollars later, I'm still working on the Great Wall of Norwood Hills. I've got 4 tons of dirt in my driveway, a pile of gravel, something called "chat", and a blistered tip-of-the index finger. (Yes, I smashed it with a rubber mallet.) Next time I'll hire 4 mexicans and be done with it. (And I mean that in a positive way.)

Glorified Work Titles. In the late 80's I pushed a shovel for Schaefer-Meyer (on the seed/sod division). I hated that fact that I was a "shovel-pusher" so I called myself a "Manual Backhoe Operator." People thought that was cool, but it meant one thing: I pushed a shovel.

I've got a friend named Dave that calls himself a "Voice-Over Expert or Engineer." Here's my Top 10 list of requirments to call yourself a VOE:

10. Must have a "Home Office" (basement)
9. "Studio" = a closet with microphone

... come to think of it, that's all the requirements. At first I thought it was cool, but it means one thing: He works in his underwear, in the basement, in a closet.


Blogger Violet said...

Dave is gonna kick your ass for telling his big secret... Ah, well, he probably deserves it for the chiropractor comments anyway...

Let me know if you need help with the landscaping... I'll be sure to be busy that day! (Actually, I probably really will be busy...)

8:05 PM  
Anonymous MikeY said...


5:15 PM  
Blogger Dave Morris said...

In fact, I am working right now. In fact, I'm in my underwear right now.

None of this I'm proud of.

12:41 PM  

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