LADIES, STOP YOUR DAMN WHINING!
Okay, men-- we've proven it: Women are babies when it comes to hair removal. How many times have we sympathized (or pretended to sympathize) with our wives / girlfriends (or both)about their pain of hair removal? DO NOT sympathize any longer. Hair-removal-whining is just one pathetic man-guilt ploy by women. It doesn't really hurt.
I can now say that because last night we tested three different types of hair removal-- on my back. Two of the three "treatments" were virtually painless: one has consequences.
Last night, Bill's garage: 3 beers & two drinks (redbull & vodka). The hair removal treatments were as follows: 1) Wax strips, 2) Hair removal cream, 3) Duct tape
All tests are measured on a scale of 0 (nothing) to 10 (OH, HOLY FUCK!)
Test A- Wax Strips:
Cost index: 4 (a 6-pack)
Complexity: 3 (okay for the general public)
Pain index: 3 (no tears)
Pros: Quick, relatively painless if done QUICKLY. Reminded me of a bandaid.
Cons: Key word: QUICKLY. Strips were small and double-sided and there were only 17. A single box would not take the hair off my big toe, much less my massive, muscular back. 4 boxes shoots the cost index up to a 10 plus it's a pain in the ass to collect all those little hairy stickers when you're done.
TEST B- Men's Hair Removal Cream:
Cost index: 8 (case o' beer)
Complexity: 7 (wouldn't do this too drunk)
Pain index: 9
Effectiveness: 3 (rots the root or something)
Cons: Stinks, goes on hot and gets hotter. 4-minutes of sheer hell. Messy. Leaves burning sensetivity the next morning. Expensive.
Test C- Duct Tape:
Cost Index: 1 (cheap, even free if you're in Bill's Garage)
Complexity: 1 (even a monkey could use it)
Pain index: 1 (skin instantly went numb)
Effectiveness: 10 (Even lifted small freckles)
Pros: Easy to find, free, rather entertaining, quick, painless hair removal. COMPLETE hair removal.
Duct tape is the #1 choise for painless, complete hair removal.
Wax strips kind of suck and was too expensive for the job not-quite-done.
Hair removal cream should be outlawed.
Next week: Duct Tape, beer, and Bill's bikini line...