Tuesday, September 26, 2006

God, Help Me Get This Shoe Out of My Mouth!

Last weekend we had our annual Conference in Austin, Texas. Everyone knows that St. Louis Airport has the *BEST* shoe-shiners around so we took the advantage.

The old fella shining my shoes told me his name was, "Mike." Apparently, I had seen at some point in my life seen a show that impressed me and blurted, "Hey, Mike.. Can you snap that rag and sing me a song while you shine?" He looked at me and mentioned that he hadn't done that in probably 40 years.

Now I'm notified that it was BuckWheat on The Little Rascles making fun of a slavery thing... Oh Geez.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Secure Blogging

Sometimes internet security is just so frustrating:

Thursday, September 14, 2006

CRAZY DIET WORKS!! (so far...)

Okay, here's the skinny: Being a health care professional, I get ALL KINDS of information on dieting, nutrition, etc. Most diet information is silly, including many of the "fad" diets that we've all been exposed to.

Here's what I've been schooled to understand: Calories "in" must equal calories "out", or you store them. Every 3600 calories stored in your body = 1 pound of gained weight.

[Every pound of gained weight decreases your chance of ever getting laid by 2%. Therefore, 50 lbs of fat = no lucky fridays.]

The good news, you tubs of lard, is that we have been taught WRONG!!

[According to Maxim Magazine, every 30 lbs of weight gained = 1/2 inch of FUDA]

During an attention deficit information highway search, I stumbled across a diet that sounded interesting enough to accept my credit card. It seemed SO BIZARRE that I was willing to try it JUST TO PROVE IT WOULDN'T WORK! (Half of me hoped it would.)

Here is the link to the compelling sales page that got me and I urge you to read it. It is the most bizarre thing I've read on dieting.

Simply put, with FATLOSS4IDIOTS I've lost 7 pounds in under 4 days. (The goal is 9 pounds in 11 days.) I guess that means I'm 1/4 inch ... nevermind.

1. You eat only what you enjoy eating (you choose from a list)
2. You eat as much as you want (not making yourself "stuffed")
3. You eat 4 meals per day as oulined on your personal diet plan
4. It only lasts 11 days and you can repeat it if you want for another 9 pounds
5. It's cheap and it actually makes sense one you read the manuscript on "why" it works
6. So far, I haven't had to revert to exercising

1. Day two was a "detox" day in which I had only fruit for 3 of my 4 meals. Ewww.
2. Beer wasn't on the list of menu items for this 11 days.
3. Did I mention that day two sucked? I started craving cookies and meat by 4 p.m.
4. 10 glasses of water / day = 10 trips to the restroom.. and then some.
5. People laugh at you when you tell them your lunch is Roast Beef and peanuts-- all you want.

So far, this one gets the Dr. Mike two-thumbs-up approval.

I'll let you know in a week how I'm doing...

BYW, in case you lose or forget the link, you can find it on my office website as well:

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Blackberry Thumb

Of all the dumb things on the news, apparently the APTA (American Physical Therapy Ass'n) came out with a new diagnosis for thumb pain. They call it the dreaded:


Does that mean that I'll have PocketPC 6700 thumb? I can see the lawsuits now. "Uh, my thumb hurts from using my PDA at work, so I'm going to have to take eight weeks off. I'll need help filling out the work comp forms..."
Give me a fucking break. Next thing you know we'll be staying home with "Sampsonite Ass" and "Nike Stupidosis."

Friday, September 08, 2006

Mmmm Chinese Food and stuff

I'm not really sure (nor do I want to be) what is in Garlic Chicken (from Good One chinese palace) but it sure hit the spot today for lunch.

My question(s):
1. How can chinese food go through me so fast when it's supposed to take 4 hours to digest?
2. How can they sell $8.00 worth of food for $4.25?
3. Has anyone noticed that there are about 30 chinese restaurants in O'Fallon? How?
4. What's the definition of "rangoon?"


A bit of trivial (government) information:

My personal Tax ID number is the same damn number that was issued to someone as a SSN. Figure that one out. And that bastard didn't pay $10,000 of taxes in 2003 so I got his letter. Talk about screwed up... try explaining this to someone working at the IRS. I want to know who is the butthead that allowed this to happen!

Inside joke: Anyone reading this with a 2000 BMW 528i -- I've got some broken cup holders if you need them.

Okay, there's no substance to this blog. I'll stop while I'm ahead!