Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Burger King

I noticed today that BK has a Triple Whopper.

... and I thought the Double would clog just about any plumbing...

Monday, December 26, 2005

My Own Work Excuse

Patient: Michael Williams
Date: 12/26/2005


To whom it may concern:

Mike Williams will be unable to work on 12/26/2005 due to the severity of his infectious medical condition.

If you have any questions, please see the attached picture.


Michael A. Williams, DC

Sunday, December 25, 2005


Along with my Christmas cheer, my sinus cold has moved to my left eye. You know, the "pink eye" that everyone fears because of the embarrassing goobers that it produces before jumping to the other eye.

Grandpa K. thinks it's a broken blood vessel because my eye is red. He's afraid I'll lose it if I don't go to the emergency room.

My father-in-law Jim thinks it might be my body rejecting my cornia. He's afraid I'll lose my eye if I don't go to the emergency room.

My wife thinks I've got food allergies like they guy in the movie "Hitch." She's afraid I'll not lose my eye, but I'll permanently look freakish.

My mother-in-law just fears that I'll lose my eyes and her grandbaby will have to grow up with a blind dad that will never be able to watch school sports.

My uncle Butch poked me in the eye and told me to quit crying all over. I won his poker money.

... Ya gotta love family!

Merry Christmas!

I certainly hope everyone is enjoying a Merry Christmas.

Here is a little Christmas cheer:

My lovely wife, My nephew Jack, and my cat Sigma.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Our 'lil Tater

You should've seen the look on Paula's face when she suddenly realized this ultrasound would require her to take off her jeans...

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Blockbuster Quietly Reintroduces Late Fees

Thanks to Thomas Hawk for sending me this link describing how the Blockbuster franchise has begun going back to late fees. "As if..."

I imagine their logo will continue as, "We can't run our business without late fees, so bend over!"

Thursday, December 08, 2005


Three months ago, I invested in an online dating business and since then have helped a handfull of others get involved.

Last Tuesday, one of the newer people asked to introduce the guest speaker-- usually a three minute job and somewhat safe for a new person in front of the room. You know, "Hi I'm so-in-so and I'm with so-in-so... Thanks for taking time, yada yada.. and I'd like to announce our wonderful speaker that (enter any kudos here) ... could we have a warm hand for Mr. so-in-so.

Pretty simple, eh? 20 people there for a business presentation and our 3-minute introducer starts dropping "F"-bombs all over the place. She bitches and moans about how miserable she is with her husband and something about a lawsuit in her other business... brings up how nervous she is because her "pits sweat" when she gets in front of a group. She blurted that she had to down about 6 rum 'n coke's before the business meeting BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!! (As I was breaking into a sweat because she wouldn't shut her yapper, I saw two guests gesturing with the ol' index finger to the throat to "CUT IT OUT!") SHUT TF UP!!

26 minutes later the guest speaker stood up and said, "Well, it's going to be a quick presentation because I only have about 4 minutes... but I'll see what I can do!"

Then, Stephen R. Smith (a billionaire who owns Lajita's Texas-- and just happens to own Ultimate Match, the online dating company) was at the meeting to give us some information on his future ideas. When he started talking, this gal stood up and cut him off!! She wasn't done bitching about this "Hoosier area we live in..."

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Christmas Lights

Today I "docorated" (sorry) the outside of the house for Christmas.

Unfortunately for me, I am afraid of heights. Ask my brother Bill, my wife, or anyone who has seen me "freeze" on the roof like a cat stuck in a tree. My problem is that I live in a two-story house and I *LOVE* to decorate outside for Christmas!

Ever check out at a store and realize you forgot your money, credit, etc? I did that today at Lowe's. I hate it when that happens!

Todays random picture:

Ashlee licking her lips getting ready to suck the life out of her moist, wet microphone...

Thursday, December 01, 2005


Usually around this time of year my office has a charity fund raiser to "adopt a family" in need. This year, a particular patient was having a very difficult time with the loss of her job, late on her rent, etc. and she subtly asked me if I could somehow help.

[Note: If you look closely at my picture, you'll see the word "SUCKER" on my face.]

At first I was going to hire her temporarily and part-time to file or soemthing just to give her a little help. She simply needed to make her truck payment and get caught up with her rent. When I found out how much she needed to make ends meet, the Christmas Spirit jumped in me and I decided to help.

The next day, I called her up and gave her a check. I told her that I was "adopting her" as my Christmas family to help and didn't expect anything in return. "Take this and have a great Christmas!"

Ahh, the joys of helping.

Yesterday she called my office. Half anticipating a "thank you" I took the call. She asked me if I could loan her $300 more!

I think I said something like, "Uhh.. No!" and then I realized I should have wasted my money on rounds at the bar instead...