Monday, February 28, 2005

My oddities

This American Idol thing is out of control. I actually told a patient tonight that I'd have to schedule her X-rays tomorrow because American Idol was starting in 15 minutes.

I can't stay away from Diet Coke (tm), either. I'm feeling a little nervous that the last can went down about 45 minutes ago. I don't drink a lot of it, I just like to know that it's here in case I want some. I think there might be a three-can emergency stash in the garage.

I hate boxers without a button on the front.

I have *NEVER* eaten lunch alone in public.

Not once have I used a public shitter.

I hate to be honked at while driving, no matter what the reason.

People should cited for not shutting their gas caps after filling.

Nextel phones are annoying when people let them "bee-beep" and then talk out loud. Maybe we DON'T want to hear your boring ass conversation about the basketball team and how it got defeated. Maybe we don't give a damn what your wife is cooking for dinner... Pretend it's a phone and stop the noise pollution!

I find it queer that one of Afrin's side effects are itchy, watery eyes with a possible increase in nasal congestion. WTF did I buy it?!

I think it's funny that at least two viewers were irritated by the use of the word, "queer" above.

Toilet paper should always have the loose piece on top, rolled over from the back. (More than 3 squares is a waste.)

I'm looking for an anti-anti-spam program so that I can get my emails again.

150 DISH channels and I'm blogging because my wife is watching yesterdays copy of some damn soap opera. I'll bet Bo and Luke are still arguing...

Does anyone know why my ice cream sometimes gets ice crystals inside the lid?

Why do women think it's okay to file their toe nails, but it's not okay to scratch our balls once-in-awhile?

Under Pressure

Wow, sinuses are charged! Next to drinking a brisk glass of chunky milk, this is my favorite feeling. I've got that constant, eye-watering tingle behind my septum that allows my ears crackle when I swallow. Here's something I find odd: I can blow my nose and the pressure afterwords makes a "squeek," but nobody else can hear it but me...

I am reminded of bull-rider named Dee when I was a Wrangler Pro-Rodeo Team physician. We were in Wheaton, Missouri when Dee got hurled from a very pissed bull. Before the clown-guy could get the rope off the bull's balls, the bull gently pounded the side of Dee's skull with it's hoof. (Yes, ladies... they bull's balls are tied with a rope to make it jump around-- but it doesn't work with men, so don't try.)

During the evaluation to see if he was okay I checked his hearing. Dee got a big grin and said, "Yeah, Doc... I kin hear ya fine. Can you hear this?" He held his nose, blew hard and his right ear whistled. He told me he could play the Mary's Lamb song, but I really didn't care to hear it...

Thursday, February 24, 2005

My subscription

I got my notice today about my cancelled subscription to if I don't post. (For you newbies to blogger that is total bullshit but it seems appropriate for my lengthy absence.)

Don't you love subscriptions to stuff that terminate if you don't reply within a certain time-frame? I get this supply catalog that says, "This is your last volume unless you reply to this card immediately." Big damn deal. As if I don't already get enough useless mailbox waste. My chiropractic office signed up for a discounted "waiting room" magazine subscription. For $10 a month I get enough magazines to fill an old Buick. I ordered a couple sports mags, money mags, People, Time and apparently 16 copies of Ebony and Black entrepreneur. I wish they'd send those $3.50 rags that you see in the grocery-store check-out lines about the President making alien babies... THAT's my kind of special reading. Want me to recycle?! (THERE's a topic for blogging.) Make magazines out of a sqeezably soft double-thick paper. There's a solution to the paper shortage.

I found a new place to get my joe today. Pulling into the Bread Co., I had a change of mind. I was in the mood for something new-- something less delicate. I chose to drive through town on a quest for a new brew...

Can you believe Huck's sells a large 20-someodd ounces for $1.38?! It's got a nice lid and all, but Huck needs to realize that his store name is, "Hucks". That alone makes for a nice discount.

Dr. Mike's Coffee Rating (as of 02/24/2005):
First Place: Heaven Scent Donuts-- The winner by far. I've known the owners ("The donut bitches," Linda and Janet) since they opened in 1994 and they have created a GREAT business. The coffee counter is clean, organized, and they have my favorite coffee lids. They supply the "real" fake-sugar, and of course their donuts compliment a wonderful java. Flavor rating: 9 (on a scale 0-10) only because there is no '10'. At Heaven Scent, price doesn't even matter.

Second Place: Huck's House Blend (Daybreak Coffee Co). First of all, I don't EVEN want to know what the "house blend" consists of*. At a buck-thirty-eight, the most expensive java in town. The coffee counter was oddly clean, organized, and they supplied quality lids (unlike McDonald's el-cheapo recycled caps that you have to tear off front so it conveniently dribbles down your shirt). Flavor? 8 (on a scale 0 - 10). I would like to see real sweet-n-low on the counter instead of that fake stuff. If I'm going to poison myself, I'd like to use the good stuff!

Third Place: QT (House blend). QT has moved down the list because of the re-organization of their coffee bar. Inconvenient, sloppy, and confusing for the new joe consumer. Flavor: 7, but for a buck and a smile from Dave, we'll see you soon.

Fourth Place: Bread Company. Over-priced Dyke-brew, empty coffee jugs, long confusing lines, too many trainees that don't know a medium from a large cup... No thanks. Rating: just damn poor. With that said, they have great food.

May the Blogger God reinstate me membership. Good day, all!

* Don't be an anal English freak... ignore the preposition.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

My BMW Mini-Sedan

Change the Channel

I believe the policy fairy needs to take a nap sometimes and allow governmental workers to turn their focus to Channel Common Sense. (That's 9702 on DISH if you've downloaded the fix off the internet letting you get every channel for free.) If you don't know what I'm saying, just try getting your car tags renewed in St. Charles County the first time around... and don't forget that personal property receipt from last year, because it's so hard to look it up in the computer. Ms. Betty (at the DMV) didn't realize the reason I was trying to get my plates renewed was because they needed to be renewed... I brought her proof, and told her to change her channel.

I recently had a discussion with a fine city employee who notified me that my plates were registered to a BMW mini-sedan. I didn't know that Beamer had the new series, kind of a mix between my 528i and a van... I just happened to have my XM radio playing (although my registration and proof of insurance helped) on channel Common Sense ...

I'd like to meet the governmental schmuck who titled my car wrong because it's not easy CHANGING a title. I guess I'll drive my mini Sedan until I replace it with something upbeat, like the forthcoming BMW marine-cycle.

Here are some actual Missouri organizations that meet (in no order of significance):
1) Missouri Association of Councils of Government
2) Dave's Window
5) The Gifted Association of Missouri
... and so on. BTW, Dave's Window is NOT, repeat NOT a lame governmental association. I just put that there to help gain links from his Brittany Spears Porn blog!