Expert Advise

Again, today I found myself getting a cup of joe at QuickTrip. After my recent QT boycott , I decided the unfamiliarity of their java counter movement was far less painful than standing in line at the Bread Co. looking at the dikes.

As I get to the counter, one of O'Fallon's finest (officers) spots me and hollars, "Dr. Mike, I've got this back problem." I thought too loudly, "I've got a ticket problem..." (and then realized everyone heard me.) Next, I find myself shooting preverbial shit with a cop about his back problems when some old fuck jumps into the conversation that somehow became a God-damn laboror expert on back pain. The cop would ask me a question and the plumber would give him my answer. Before the officer could schedule his blue-collar surgery with the obviously highly educated expert on the subject, I decided my joe was getting cold.

"Give me a call and we'll draw up some blueprints to fix that back pain. Bring your expert friend here, in case we run into a radiological spondylolisthesis or find latantcies on the lower extremity somatosensory evoked potentials. And hey-- kick the mud off your boots outside and don't forget your nail belt, partner!"

Geez.