Monday, November 28, 2005

One-Trou Capped on Row Supreme

Apparently, the U.S. will witness it's 1000th person to die on death row since 1977 this week.

My question: IS THAT ALL?! I think more INNOCENT people have been killed by lightening.

Dr. Mike's Death Row Solution:

  • Only 100 people get to set on "death row" at one time-- period. And the reason it's called "death row" is because of just that... An appeal?! What's that. The death row wait should be quick-- less than 30 days so the government can use a credit card to pay for their last damn meal-- without interest.
  • An objective point system should be set up for each crime. (i.e. Murder your family = 1 points each; responsible for an innocent death due to fire = 3 points each; Terrorist activities = 5 points each; Crazy and went on a death spree or decided to cut people up and freeze their parts? Automatic 10 points each.)
  • If your crime was worth 10 points, you automatically bought yourself seat #90. Old #90 goes to #89, etc.
  • The unfortunate bastard in seat #1 gets the chair when anyone else comes to death row. Her only grace is if someone comes to visit with 100 points- then she gets bypassed until the next freak joins the club.
  • There should be a minimum of 1 person off the row per day. People might see this system working and decide not to commit the crime. In this case, we'll just clean up death row in about 3.5 months and only have to pay someone to dust and mop the floors.
  • The criminal should "spin the wheel of death!". Since there are really no rights, who TF cares where it lands. "Eat a bullet", "Guillotine", "Hang the bum" and then incinerate... and flush.

Please let me know why we've only punished 1000 people on death row since 1977!


Blogger Dave Morris said...

All good ideas. Except I think the method of death should match the method they used to kill.

Although the wheel of death does hold a certain allure.

4:10 PM  

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