Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Penis Envy

First of all, congratulations to the 300,000,000 person to be born in the US about 5 minutes ago. Welcome to our country.

I am appauled that North Korea can "test" nuclear weapons and I'm not allowed to legally burn a damn M-80 in the neighbors bird bath. WTF? Maybe if I split an atom or two, we'll have a brighter 4th of July next year -- a true "independance day." Let's see O'Fallon's finest citate THAT!

Here's an idea: Give N. Korea a ticket for illegal fireworks. Citate them on the basis they were in city limits and slap on a hefty $50 fine plus court costs. Or MAYBE SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING TO STOP PURCHASE OF PLUTONIUM BEFORE THEY WERE ABLE TO BUILD THAT DAMN WEAPONS! I love that they have said they are not afraid... (A classic case of, "Mines Bigger Than Yours.") Why does the phrase "Un-united Nations" come to mind?

"My Bush, what a package you have"

Speaking of terrorism, my mom taught me to get new friends if their names are spelled anything like "Imam Talal Eid."

You wanna know what else? I don't want a free credit score!! I freakin check it once a month because it's part of financial health... I'm sick of the goddamn commercials for home loans and free credit score reports. Why can't they make a TiVO button that will allow me to record my favorites WITHOUT any trace of a commercial? THERE's a money-maker!

Have a great day.

Friday, October 06, 2006


Happy October, everyone. Drink and be safe. Be very safe. Watch out for "Birdman"

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Turn Back The Clock 15 Seconds!!

Okay, so I wind the BFD award tonight. I was trimming Ella's fingernails with a newly sharpened chainsaw and somehow woke her up with a bloody thumb.

GEEZUSS! Of all the mean things I've done, this one actually made me feel bad. Ever have a situation (besides, that time you impregnated your neighbors daughter) when you just wish you could turn the clock back about 15 seconds and do it differently? (Everyone that has an 'ex' knows what I mean...)

And dammit-- I didn't see any warnings on the side of the nail-clippers that said they were sharp. WHAT IS THAT WORTH?!

(I'll not only sue the clipper manufacturer, I'll sue WalMart, QT*, and myself on my daughter's behalf!)

* I tossed QT in there because they just have too much freaking money. Besides, I had to stop there to get gas and it caused more pain and suffering for Ella while she awaited my fixing her thumb.